WASHINGTON—In a landmark act of legislative courage, the U.S. Senate voted Friday to preserve Americans’ cherished tradition of having their phone calls, emails, and cloud-based selfies collected by federal agencies for a breathtaking 10 more days. The emergency extension of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) passed by voice vote—a method uniquely suited to lawmakers who prefer surveillance only when it’s someone else being monitored.

The decision came after lawmakers dismissed radical House proposals for five-year and 18-month extensions, ultimately agreeing that 10 days is the exact amount of time required for another round of heated, performative debate in front of C-SPAN cameras.

“As Americans, we must protect our right to be monitored, but not for, like, an annoying amount of time,” explained Senator Chuck Flanders (D-VT), who read the bill while hiding his phone in a lead-lined pouch. “Ten days gives the NSA just enough time to catch the bad guys and for us to figure out what the hell this law even does.”

Security analyst Brenda Tupper was elated: “The 10-day extension is perfect. It really keeps our surveillance state fresh—like rotating milk so it never expires.”

Some lawmakers, such as Representative Chip McGinty (R-TX), remained skeptical: “Honestly, if we can’t decide whether to spy on Americans indefinitely by next Friday, what are we even doing as a nation?” McGinty asked, while attempting to send classified documents via carrier pigeon.

Meanwhile, Americans nationwide expressed vague support for the extension, provided it didn’t interrupt their Wordle streaks.