NEW YORK—Self-described victim and billionaire Steve Roth took a bold stand for America’s most vulnerable demographic Tuesday, denouncing the phrase “tax the rich” as being “just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs.” Roth, who bravely faces the daily indignity of residing in a $60 million penthouse, made the remark during a Vornado Realty Trust earnings call attended by several investment bankers and four gold-plated water coolers.

Roth’s revelation came in response to Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s sinister announcement of a ‘pied-à-terre’ tax targeting helpless second-home owners with properties worth over $5 million. “This level of persecution is un-American,” Roth declared. “Next, they’ll be asking me to pay for my own yacht docking fees.”

Other billionaires swiftly rallied to Roth’s side. “I haven’t felt this unsafe since my favorite truffle supplier raised prices,” confided philanthropist and helicopter enthusiast Blaise van der Gilt. “It’s open season on the rich.”

Meanwhile, spokesmodel Paisley Vanderdebt, representing the advocacy group Rich Lives Matter (RLM), called for a national moment of silence. “Being asked to pay taxes is traumatic,” Vanderdebt explained. “We’re launching an awareness ribbon in solid gold.”

Citadel CEO Ken Griffin, whose $238 million penthouse was featured in the mayor’s announcement, was unavailable for comment. Sources close to Griffin say he is “recovering out of state” until the city repeals all forms of arithmetic.