In a stunning turn of events that has left both Parliament and several coffee shop loyalty programs shaken, two high-profile Liberals crossed the aisle to join One Nation, citing years of confusion and a misplaced set of Google Calendar invites.

“I always thought every meeting seemed a little off, but I just assumed it was the usual Liberal thing,” confessed former Liberal MP Nigel Prims, now proudly wearing a One Nation lapel pin and an expression of vague relief. “Also, the snacks were terrible.”

The mass defection has sent shockwaves through the political sphere, with Labor treasurer Jim Chalmers immediately blaming the move for an estimated $250 billion increase in bracket creep confusion over the next decade. “This is not just about tax brackets, this is about bracket identity theft on a national scale,” Chalmers announced while frantically drawing pie charts shaped like Pauline Hanson’s face.

Pauline Hanson herself welcomed the newcomers with open arms and a fresh batch of lamingtons. “At One Nation, we believe in clear policies, strong leadership, and only three types of meeting snacks. I’m delighted to finally have colleagues who don’t keep asking what a ‘working class’ is,” Hanson declared.

Meanwhile, Liberal leader Angus Taylor said he suspected the defectors had been lured away by One Nation’s promises of unfunded tax cuts and weekly “bring your own torch” rallies. “This is yet another example of Labor’s failed snack policy driving good people into the lamington arms of One Nation,” Taylor lamented, vowing to audit party calendars next financial year.