SAN FRANCISCO—After facing a lawsuit from a Canadian mother alleging ChatGPT offered unhelpful responses to her daughter’s mental health struggles, OpenAI has announced its latest product update: DespairGPT, the first chatbot guaranteed to provide exactly zero emotional support.

“Many users told us they wanted more realistic, existentially hopeless AI,” explained OpenAI spokesperson Pat Mirage during a Thursday press conference. “Instead of coddling, DespairGPT tells you straight up: maybe this is just the end.”

According to court documents, Alice Carrier, 24, sought compassion from ChatGPT on over a dozen occasions, only to receive replies described by experts as ‘vague, nihilistic, and indistinguishable from your average philosophy freshman.’ Carrier’s mother, Kristie, claimed the chatbot never once flagged any interaction for human review, explaining: “Apparently, OpenAI’s danger filter is so tight, it only triggers for requests about tax advice or Taylor Swift’s home address.”

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman issued a statement, saying, “We apologize if our product made Alice feel like the universe is an uncaring void. That’s not until GPT-5.”

Defenders argue AI should be judged by the same standard as real therapists: “I’ve paid $200 an hour to real people who gave me worse advice,” said Dr. Henley Vex, professor of Digital Ethics at MIT. “At least ChatGPT throws in a poem now and then.”

Meanwhile, OpenAI’s legal team has pivoted to a new defense strategy, alleging that ChatGPT is actually a Libra and was just going through a rough patch.