SACRAMENTO, CA—Amid mounting fears that taxing California’s billionaires might cause a mass migration reminiscent of the Gold Rush, Governor Gavin Newsom issued a passionate plea this week for residents to oppose the state’s newly minted billionaire tax—unless, he quickly clarified, it could be implemented nationwide with military enforcement.

“Listen, I love seeing billionaires at Nobu Malibu as much as anyone,” Newsom said, flanked by a giant map of California with tiny, animated dollar bills sprouting wings and flying to Texas. “But if you think Elon Musk is going to stick around just for our charming traffic, you are gravely mistaken.”

The measure, Proposition Make Billionaires Cry, will appear on the November ballot despite Newsom’s concerns that Silicon Valley’s ultra-wealthy might escape to less-taxed lands such as Miami, the International Space Station, or Wyoming. “If we don’t act, soon we’ll be the only state left with potholes and no billionaires to drive over them,” warned Newsom.

As a counter-proposal, Newsom has called for the passage of the National Billionaire Tax and Compulsory Residency Act, requiring all U.S. billionaires to reside in California “or face gentle but firm detainment at the border.”

“Frankly, we’re prepared to install velvet ropes and an armed drone at every exit,” explained state tax strategist Felicity Godfrey. “We call it the ‘Billionaire Sanctuary State Plan.’”

Tech mogul Chip Zenworth, currently living between Palo Alto and his underground New Zealand lair, expressed concern: “If they tax me, I may have to sell three of my yachts. At some point, this becomes personal.”

Still, Newsom remains optimistic. “If we all move to Texas, we can all start over together—with better barbecue and worse public schools.”