SEATTLE—With Prime Day in its final hours, Amazon today announced the Prime shopping event will now continue indefinitely until the universe collapses into a cold, lifeless void, allowing customers even more opportunities to save $4.87 on a slightly updated Echo Dot Max.

“When we saw consumer anxiety over missing last-minute deals on USB-C battery-powered nose hair trimmers, we realized: why stop at 48 hours or a week? ‘Prime Forever’ is our unconditional promise to never, ever let you pay full price for a robot mop again,” said Leila Frampton, Amazon’s Director of Timed Events That Are Actually Perpetual. “That’s just how much we care about our customers’ wallets, and their existential inability to feel satisfied.”

According to a press release, the new ‘Prime Forever’ sale will feature endless discounts on essential gadgets like the Insta360 Link 2C Webcam ($99.99, usually $149), the SwitchBot Bot ($19.99, now less than most actual switches), and random color smart bulbs you are contractually obligated to install in every room of your house. “My team hasn’t seen sunlight in four days and hasn’t experienced joy in eight,” said Verge senior deals hunter Max Hoolihan, clutching a list of 174,184 deals. “But knowing Americans can get the 2026 iPad Pro for $200 off has made it all worth it. Probably.”

The move has been welcomed by some. “I used to panic-buy a blender every July. Now I can make impulsive purchases year-round, which is honestly more convenient for my therapist,” said Prime member Misty Kendall. “I just hope my children remember me when I’m gone. More importantly, I hope they get my Prime account.”