Hollywood was plunged into existential crisis this week as the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced it will discontinue the Oscars immediately, citing ‘irreversible pointlessness’ in a world without Brenda Fricker. The announcement came just hours after news broke of the legendary Irish actress’s passing at 81, leading to what experts called ‘the biggest awards show-related emotional collapse since La La Land won Best Picture for two minutes.’

‘We looked around, saw the Fricker-shaped hole in cinema, and decided, honestly, what’s the point?’ said Academy President Marvin Goldstein, pausing briefly to adjust a commemorative My Left Foot lapel pin. ‘No disrespect to Meryl Streep, but come on.’

Across the entertainment industry, tributes poured in at an unprecedented and increasingly impractical rate. ‘I’ve cancelled my next three films out of respect,’ said Daniel Day-Lewis in a statement delivered via carrier pigeon, adding, ‘I refuse to act until someone invents a new Brenda.’

Meanwhile, RTE reruns of Fricker’s landmark performance as Nurse Megan Roach in Casualty have reportedly caused the Irish national grid to crash, with authorities urging citizens to ‘please stagger your Fricker binges.’

In a rare moment of unity, film critics, actors, and even reality show contestants gathered on Zoom to share memories. ‘She was the wind beneath my Love Island wings,’ declared long-time superfan and former contestant Big Andy. ‘Now, all we have is the faint echo of her wisdom—and the harrowing reminder that no matter how many awards we hand out, none will ever fill the Fricker void.’