In a move widely hailed as ‘the only thing preventing Hollywood from collapsing into self-seriousness,’ viral comedian and People’s Sexiest Man Alive alum Matt Friend announced Thursday that he will host the Academy Awards Red Carpet for ‘Live With Kelly and Mark.’ The 25-year-old impressionist will stand between Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos as a living buffer zone, ensuring not a single celebrity escapes the carpet unmocked.

“When I heard Matt was hosting, I was able to cancel my annual Dramamine prescription,” said Los Angeles-based publicist Tad Whittier, who claims he hasn’t watched the Oscars sober since 2006. “Without Matt, there’s a real danger of people mistaking this for a serious event.”

The Academy, in a statement, expressed relief that Friend’s “sleepless, crazy night” would finally prevent the red carpet from devolving into its former state of awkward pauses and prolonged handshakes. “His impressions keep George Clooney humble, and his jawline keeps Mark and Kelly just edgy enough to avoid napping on-camera,” said Academy spokesperson Darcy Sneed.

Rumors circulated that Friend’s presence had single-handedly doubled the event’s insurance policy. “In the event of a dignity outbreak, we have Matt on standby to impersonate Jimmy Kimmel until everyone relaxes,” assured ABC risk management director Brad Flanders.

Friend is expected to not only interview all 634 attendees but also host the post-show, conduct the after-after-party debrief, and, if needed, shuttle confused nominees to Taco Bell at 3 a.m.