In a bold partnership between Big Tech and the U.S. Department of Energy, millions of Americans will soon be enlisted to generate electricity for the nation’s ballooning network of AI data centers by pedaling hamster-wheel-style turbines installed in public parks, shopping malls, and abandoned Toys ‘R’ Us locations.

The measure, dubbed the “Distributed Human Energy Initiative,” is expected to supply up to 0.0008% of the annual energy needs of Utah’s new 40,000-acre MegaDataHub, a facility so large it is now legally recognized as its own county. Activists voiced concerns about rising utility bills and mysterious “electro-static” hairdos, but tech executives reassured the public that community engagement is a top priority. “We see Americans not just as consumers of AI, but as partners in powering it,” said Meta’s Senior Vice President of Reality Re-Alignment, Brock Wickman. “Plus, it’s great cardio.”

Despite assurances, some are unconvinced. “Last week my house lost power for six hours because the local AI chatbot needed to finish its Sudoku puzzle,” said Memphis resident Linda Goggins. “Now I’m expected to pedal so Mark Zuckerberg’s servers can sort more memes?”

Industry leaders stressed the benefits. “Each data center job generates $18 million in property tax revenue and at least one open mic night per month,” boasted OpenAI spokesperson Sloane D’Electra. Meanwhile, Microsoft’s Chief Electricity Apologist, Cheryl Sockett, offered further optimism: “Any complaints about brownouts will be handled promptly by a GPT-5-powered phone tree.”

The program launches next week, pending a final Senate vote on whether hamster wheel injuries are tax deductible.