With the March 11th deadline rapidly approaching, frantic Americans nationwide have reportedly stormed electronics retailers to secure their financial futures by preordering Apple’s new $1,999 MacBook Pro—primarily for the free $100 Best Buy gift card that comes with it.

“I’ve always dreamed of owning a Best Buy gift card,” said local tech enthusiast Mallory Green, clutching three receipts and staring longingly at a JPEG of her $100 e-card. “People say Apple products are expensive, but when you factor in the gift card, you’re basically losing money NOT buying them. It’s basic math.”

Industry insiders laud this year’s pre-order incentives as a game changer. “Sure, you could use $2,000 on rent or food, but a $100 Best Buy gift card is eternal,” explained Greg Forman, Head of Consumer FOMO at Best Buy, adding that most customers will wisely ‘invest’ their gift cards in charging cables for devices they just bought.

Meanwhile, Apple spokesperson Phyllis Glass confirmed the strategy is part of Apple’s ongoing commitment to making luxury feel like a practical decision. “We want every consumer to experience the thrill of spending $1,999 for $100 of free purchasing power. It’s the American Dream—gaslight them into believing they’re saving.”

Not to be outdone, Samsung has responded by offering $150 Amazon gift cards with the preorder of their new Galaxy S26 Ultra. Amazon’s Vice President of Marketing, Blaine Whitaker, welcomed the move: “Gift cards are the new gold standard for economic security. Forget cash. Forget assets. All industries are moving toward a future where currency is obsolete, and everything is paid for with bundles of store credit.”

At press time, economists announced that the US dollar will no longer be backed by gold, but by the combined purchasing power of Apple Store and Best Buy gift cards.