In a move hailed as ‘incredibly considerate,’ all Asian teams at this year’s World Cup once again honored their time-honored tradition of swiftly exiting the tournament in order to minimize jet lag and maximize their duty-free shopping opportunities.

Despite fielding competitive squads, none of the Asian Football Confederation’s representatives managed to advance past the first knockout round, a feat that fans have dubbed the “Asia Express Checkout.” “Frankly, it’s just more efficient this way,” said AFC official Kento Watanabe, triple-checking his flight status app. “Why drag out the inevitable? We can see Machu Picchu before the Europeans even finish their quarterfinals.”

South Korea’s head coach, Park Min-Jae, attributed their swift exit not to squad performance but to cultural values. “In Asia, punctuality is important. We wouldn’t want to inconvenience our hosts by overstaying,” he explained while holding a commemorative first-round participation medal. “Besides, our players’ parents were getting worried about their laundry.”

Analysts point out that Asian teams have won just three out of 29 World Cup games over six tournaments, citing factors such as tactical naivety, poor finishing, and a collective agreement to avoid the stress of booking last-minute return flights. “It takes skill to coordinate an exit this consistent,” noted World Cup historian Franz Besserwissen. “Frankly, UEFA should be jealous. Their teams never get this kind of planning right.”

Across Asia, local fans are reportedly satisfied because at least their grocery stores are still selling patriotic World Cup snacks at a steep discount.