CANBERRA—In a bold move aimed at making the Australian tax system ‘fairer’ for younger generations, Treasurer Jim Chalmers announced sweeping reforms Tuesday promising that millennials and Gen Z will now experience the exact same sense of fiscal justice their parents did—minus the disposable income, home ownership, or stable employment prospects that made it enjoyable.

Chalmers described the reforms as “the most ambitious since the turn of the century, which is also when buying a house on a part-time wage and a pocketful of dreams was still an option.” Under the new plan, investors’ capital gains will be taxed based on inflation, “ensuring that everyone gets a historically accurate sense of disappointment,” Chalmers explained while hastily Googling ‘home loan approval odds for avocado toast enthusiasts’.

Younger Australians greeted the news with cautious optimism. “It’s great to know the playing field is being leveled,” said 26-year-old Uber driver and part-time candle influencer Jess Barton. “Now I can get taxed just like Mum and Dad, except my assets are three Beanie Babies and a half-used Myki card.”

Not all reactions were positive. Sydney property mogul Reginald Farnsworth III denounced the changes, warning that “future generations will never know the joy of buying six houses in their twenties without breaking a sweat.” Meanwhile, National Youth Coalition spokesperson Tyson Reed expressed hope that future budgets might also make ‘job security’ retroactively fairer. “Or at least give us the option to be crushed by HECS debt in a climate-controlled environment,” he suggested.