• Politics

Pakistani Man on Trial Claims He Was Recruited for Trump Plot by ‘Threatening Emails From Prince of Persia’

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 6, 2026

A Pakistani man on trial in Brooklyn claims he was coerced by bizarre Iranian email threats into a scheme to assassinate Donald Trump.

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• Sport

Australian Senate Unanimously Votes to Investigate Whether Racism and Sexism Are ‘Even Real’ Before Investigating Themselves

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 5, 2026

Australia’s major parties have joined forces to delay an inquiry into racism and sexism in the Senate, citing the need for more research into whether those issues even exist.

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• Technology

Amazon Launches New Kindle For Kids, Finally Allows Children To Experience Anxiety Over Limited-Time Discounts

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 4, 2026

Amazon discounts its entire kid-friendly Kindle line, enabling children to experience the anxiety of limited-time sales and minor pricing differences for the first time.

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• Sport

Nintendo Reveals Pokémon Pokopia: Finally, a Game Where Your Starter Is a Mortgage

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 4, 2026

Nintendo launches Pokémon Pokopia—a life sim where players build Pokémon societies, accrue debt, and confront the joys of simulated homeownership.

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• Sport

Former Auburn Coach Bruce Pearl Appointed Supreme Commander Of Middle East Policy After Fiery Tweet

Chester P. NonsenseMarch 1, 2026

After Bruce Pearl's vocal support for Trump and criticism of Iran, the U.S. government names him Supreme Commander of Middle East policy based on his basketball coaching credentials.

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• Politics

Detroit Police Announce Policy of Making Decisions by Spinning Giant Wheel Labeled ‘Republican Demands’, ‘Democratic Outrage’, ‘Shrug Emoji’

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 28, 2026

Detroit's police chief reverses the firing of two officers who coordinated with immigration agents, sparking outrage and accusations of political pandering.

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• Economy

Britain’s National Mood Still ‘Utterly Meh’ Despite Experts Throwing More Money at It

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 28, 2026

Official statistics confirm that Britons’ life satisfaction remains stubbornly low despite improving economic conditions.

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• Politics

Congress Proposes Direct Filing: Americans May Soon Experience Tax Joy Without Middleman Misery

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 27, 2026

Democratic lawmakers introduce a bill to resurrect IRS Direct File, aiming to let Americans submit taxes directly to the government without third-party misery.

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• Sport

FIFA Assures Fans That Cartel Shootouts Will Be ‘Choreographed Halftime Entertainment’

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 27, 2026

FIFA President Gianni Infantino reassures the public that Mexico will safely co-host the 2026 World Cup, claiming cartel violence will only enhance the fan experience as part of official entertainment.

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• Politics

Trump Nominates Wellness Influencer For Surgeon General, Promises Nationwide Chakra Alignment By 2025

Chester P. NonsenseFebruary 26, 2026

President Trump nominates social media wellness expert Casey Means for Surgeon General, sparking debate over her medical credentials and unconventional public health plans.

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