• Economy

Illinois Announces ‘Psychic Tax’—Residents Now Owe 15% On Any Claim to Know the Future

Gloria HyperboleJuly 1, 2026

Illinois has implemented a new tax on all forms of prediction, prompting legal action and confusion from sports betting platforms and hopeful citizens alike.

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• Politics

Bill Barr Reassures Senate That Trump’s Attorney General Pick Will Grovel Only If ‘Absolutely Necessary’

Gloria HyperboleJune 28, 2026

Bill Barr urges the Senate to confirm Todd Blanche as attorney general, reassuring Republicans that Blanche will only perform acts of sycophancy when 'absolutely necessary.'

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• Entertainment

World’s Most Obscure Luxury Conglomerate Acquires France’s Most Mysteriously Hip Production Group in Bold Bid to Confuse Everyone

Gloria HyperboleJune 27, 2026

Luxury group The Independents has purchased a majority stake in Parisian production collective Phantasm Group, uniting two famously enigmatic brands in a move set to further mystify the global arts industry.

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• Politics

Supreme Court Unveils ‘Spin the Globe’ Immigration Policy: Protected Status Now Based on Random Chance

Gloria HyperboleJune 26, 2026

The Supreme Court has allowed the Trump administration to end protections for Haitians and Syrians, paving the way for broader changes to the U.S. asylum system.

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• Politics

Trump Cancels Housing Bill Signing, Suggests Americans ‘Try Couchsurfing Like Real Patriots’

Gloria HyperboleJune 25, 2026

President Trump canceled the signing of a bill designed to reduce housing costs, instead prioritizing a restrictive voting bill and recommending Americans 'embrace adversity' in their search for affordable housing.

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• Technology

Americans Celebrate Four Glorious Days of Prime Day by Spending Second Day Buying Same Stuff as Yesterday

Gloria HyperboleJune 25, 2026

Millions of Americans enthusiastically participate in the second day of Amazon’s Prime Day event by buying identical deals as the day before, raising questions about time, space, and the future of online shopping.

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• Economy

Fox To Build 300-Foot Statue Of Influencer With Most TikTok Views, Fully Commits To Creator Economy At Cannes

Gloria HyperboleJune 25, 2026

Fox Entertainment announces at Cannes Lions its plan to dedicate all future programming and resources to internet creators, including building a giant statue honoring the influencer with the most TikTok views.

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• Sport

US Heroically Allows Iranian World Cup Team to Enter Country Mere Hours Before Kickoff, Citing ‘Spirit of Mild Inconvenience’

Gloria HyperboleJune 25, 2026

The US government has eased travel restrictions for Iran's World Cup soccer team, permitting them to enter the country just two days before their next match.

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• Politics

Federal Judge Rules DoJ Subpoenas ‘Issued for Unlawful Reasons,’ Notes They Were Written on Denny’s Napkins

Gloria HyperboleJune 23, 2026

A federal judge has dismissed the Department of Justice’s subpoenas against Minnesota officials, calling them unlawfully issued and poorly executed.

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• Politics

Farage Celebrates Historic Second Place Finish, Hails Revolution in Finishing Behind Labour Yet Again

Gloria HyperboleJune 21, 2026

Nigel Farage and Reform UK celebrated a second-place finish in the Makerfield byelection as a revolutionary achievement despite losing decisively to Labour.

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