• Politics

Texas Republicans Narrowly Avoid Dueling Pistols in Intra-Party Showdown As Trump Tells Voters to Support ‘Whoever Yells Loudest’

Penny PunchlineMay 27, 2026

Donald Trump endorses Ken Paxton over John Cornyn in a chaotic Texas GOP primary, escalating party infighting and raising concerns about giving Democrats an unexpected edge.

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• Politics

Trump Tower Tbilisi to Feature Special ‘Sanction-Proof’ Penthouse, Complimentary Oligarch Immunity with Every Suite

Penny PunchlineMay 26, 2026

A Trump Tower is set to be built in Tbilisi, Georgia, on land partially owned by the son of a US-sanctioned leader, raising concerns over conflicts of interest.

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• Economy

Americans Panic as Oil Prices Dip Below $100: ‘How Will We Justify SUV Purchases Now?’

Penny PunchlineMay 26, 2026

Oil prices drop below $100 a barrel amid hopes for a US-Iran peace deal, causing widespread confusion among consumers, oil executives, and SUV manufacturers.

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• Technology

America Honors Its Fallen By Buying 4K TVs, Bluetooth Speakers, and $499 Smart Thermostats

Penny PunchlineMay 23, 2026

Retailers and shoppers alike commemorate Memorial Day with massive sales on TVs, speakers, and smart home gadgets, redefining national remembrance as a celebration of consumer savings.

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• Politics

Trump Mobile Unveils New ‘Invisiphone,’ a Revolutionary Device That Can Never Be Seen or Held

Penny PunchlineMay 23, 2026

Trump Mobile customers still have not received the elusive T1 phone nearly two weeks after shipping was announced, with company officials insisting the device is real but possibly stuck in another dimension.

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• Sport

Pelé, Maradona, And That Guy From Your 5-a-Side Team Named Phil All Make FIFA’s Official ‘Best World Cup Players’ List

Penny PunchlineMay 22, 2026

FIFA's latest 'best World Cup players' list includes both legendary footballers and a completely unknown five-a-side player named Phil, causing widespread confusion and pub arguments worldwide.

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• Politics

US Justice Department Drops Fraud Charges Against Indian Billionaire After Realizing He Hired the Same Lawyer as ‘Literally Everyone Else’

Penny PunchlineMay 22, 2026

The US Department of Justice has dropped fraud charges against Indian billionaire Gautam Adani after he hired Donald Trump’s personal lawyer and agreed to invest billions in the US.

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• Economy

Pauline Hanson Unveils Bold Plan to Nationalize Gas, Replace Profits Tax With Free Sausage Sizzles for All Australians

Penny PunchlineMay 22, 2026

Pauline Hanson proposes abolishing the offshore gas profits tax and having the government acquire a 30% stake in all new gas projects to boost taxpayer returns, prompting widespread confusion and comparisons to Scandinavian socialism.

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• Politics

Trump Endorses Ken Paxton For Texas Senate, Declares ‘Legal Trouble Is the New Patriotism’

Penny PunchlineMay 20, 2026

Donald Trump has endorsed Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton for Senate, praising Paxton’s legal troubles as proof of his loyalty and strength.

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• Politics

Trump Endorses Ken Paxton, Gives Iran Until Monday to Make Deal or Face Unspecified Consequences and Possibly Ballroom Talk

Penny PunchlineMay 20, 2026

Donald Trump endorsed Ken Paxton for Senate in Texas while giving Iran an ambiguous deadline for peace negotiations that may hinge on his personal plans.

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