LONDON—In a bold move to reassure financial markets and ensure that British citizens remain in a perpetual state of mild panic, the Bank of England announced Thursday it may raise interest rates twice this year—or potentially every time a news anchor utters the word “oil.”

Governor Andrew Bailey explained at a press conference, “Given the volatility in global energy markets, we feel the best strategy is to keep homeowners guessing. If you hear ‘Middle East’ or ‘crisis’ in the next six months, assume your mortgage rate is about to rise.”

Economists across the City of London applauded the announcement. “It’s a genius move to fight price rises by making everything else more expensive,” said Felicity Carbuncle, Chief Overreaction Analyst at PanicBanc. “By ensuring people can’t afford to buy fuel or pay rent, demand for both should drop to exactly zero.”

The central bank’s latest model reportedly involves consulting a Ouija board and watching oil price tickers until the number 114 appears. “The world is an unpredictable place,” noted Bank spokesman Giles Sprocket. “We’ve found that random acts of economic policy send a strong signal to investors: confusion is stability.”

Meanwhile, local homeowner Trevor Pringle told reporters, “At this point, I’m mostly taking out loans to pay off my previous loans. Thank God the Bank is on top of things. I sleep better knowing they’re watching petrol prices at the shell garage next to my flat.”

Further hikes are expected, possibly in response to fluctuations in Saudi Arabia’s camel population.