Amid unprecedented security and a mild sense of existential ennui, Beijing is making final preparations for the arrival of former U.S. President Donald Trump, who is scheduled to spend 36 hours in the city as part of his international ‘Make State Visits Great Again’ tour.

Unlike past leaders whose visits were boisterously celebrated—such as Joe Biden’s infamous 2011 noodle slurping at Yaoji Chaogan—Trump’s arrival has been met with what local analysts are calling ‘sympathetic indifference.’ Restaurant owners who once proudly displayed glossy photos of Biden’s chopstick prowess have quietly replaced them with pictures of steamed buns and QR codes for contactless payment.

“We used to brag about Biden’s ‘noodle diplomacy,’ but now we just hope Trump doesn’t ask to deep-fry the dumplings with Diet Coke,” said Ms. Zhang, manager of the once-famous canteen. She added, “We’ve already hidden the cutlery.”

Security has been ramped up to unprecedented levels, with authorities deploying 5,000 officers, 12 drone-jamming tents, and several decoy buffets stocked with fake cheeseburgers. The local police chief, Li Wei, explained, “We fear he might try to stage a photo op eating Peking Duck with his hands. We must be vigilant.”

Despite the planning, enthusiasm is at a historic low. “We erased our Biden murals because the paint was peeling, not because we’re anti-American,” insisted government spokesman Xu Ming. “But yes, we’ll probably erase whatever Trump touches, just to play it safe.”

The Foreign Ministry issued a statement wishing Trump a ‘pleasant and socially distanced stay.’ Local diners, meanwhile, are bracing for sudden menu changes and unpredictable requests for ketchup.