LOUISVILLE, KY—After an impressive opening round at the PGA Championship, golf star Brooks Koepka revealed that his long-awaited return to form is due not only to physical training, but also to a new regimen of daily affirmations reminding him that “golf is fundamentally more important than family.”

The five-time major champion, who previously cited family issues and personal struggles for last season’s dip in performance, admitted at a Thursday press conference that he has finally achieved “total emotional detachment” on the course. “Before, I’d get distracted, thinking about my family—my wife, our challenges,” Koepka told reporters while practicing chip shots between inspirational quotes from Jack Nicklaus. “Now, every time I feel a pang of emotion, my caddie just hands me a Post-it that says, ‘Golf First. Spouses Come and Go.’ It’s really helped my short game.”

Close friend and fellow golfer Dustin Johnson confirmed the transformative power of indifference, telling Golf Digest, “As soon as Brooks stopped caring about literally anything except his backswing, he just started draining putts. I’ve started ghosting my own kids for similar results.”

Fan Martha Caldwell, who wore a ‘Family Is Temporary, Golf Is Forever’ hat at Aronimink, praised Koepka’s new outlook. “It’s inspiring to see an athlete prioritize the sport over trivial things like relationships or emotional growth,” she said. “Frankly, my husband could learn a thing or two.”

Tour psychologist Dr. Hal Stenson noted the trend, stating, “We’re seeing more top golfers embrace complete apathy towards family life. This generation knows that only one thing matters: making the cut.”

Koepka hopes to continue his hot streak, so long as nobody texts him any updates from home.