In an unprecedented act of legislative aggression, California’s newly proposed ‘Billionaire Tax’ has officially made it to the November ballot, sending Silicon Valley into a frenzy of asset-concealing yoga classes and artisanal mattress stuffing. The referendum, which seeks a one-time 5% tax on residents with over $1 billion in assets, has drawn fierce opposition from tech moguls and Governor Gavin Newsom, who reportedly fears the tax will drive up the price of locally-sourced avocado toast.

“First they came for our kombucha subscriptions, and I said nothing,” lamented Palantir CEO Alex Karp, seen feverishly Googling ‘Can you offshore NFTs?’ from his eco-friendly panic room. “Now they want to fund public services with my hard-mined cryptocurrency? What’s next, taxing my lunar timeshare?”

Supporters of the tax, such as the California Labor Federation, maintain the funds will be used to support essential programs, like retraining billionaires in basic empathy and donating gently-used Teslas to underprivileged aspiring influencers. “We’re just asking billionaires to pool a tiny sliver of their yacht fuel budget so California children don’t have to learn coding in abandoned WeWork offices,” said labor spokesperson Sheila Ramirez.

Governor Newsom, who described the measure as “well-intentioned but concerning for those with sensitive Swiss banking arrangements,” is urging compromise. “Maybe limit it to people who name their children after Greek alphabet variants,” he suggested. Meanwhile, Mark Zuckerberg was last seen at a Palo Alto garage sale, offering 10,000 Oculus headsets as barter.