Pop icon and professional event conceptualizer Charli XCX has unveiled a revolutionary experience for her upcoming album “Music, Fashion, Film”: global listening sessions held in independent theaters worldwide, where music will be played at volumes typically reserved for emergency evacuation announcements.

The sessions, which will occur in 25 cities including Paris, Los Angeles, and inexplicably, Vladivostok, promise to combine cutting-edge sound systems, avant-garde fashion statements, and allegedly, something called ‘film.’ Attendees are encouraged to simply sit and listen, ideally while pondering the state of performance art in 2024.

“We wanted fans to experience the album as God, or at least Karl Lagerfeld, intended: sitting in silence in a darkened room while being gently reminded that fashion exists,” explained event coordinator Lucinda Hepler, who described the listening sessions as “both an immersive art happening and a legally mandated fire drill.”

Charli XCX herself will be nowhere near most of the events, a fact that does little to deter fans. “It’s the purest form of fandom,” said Brooklyn resident and certified playlist curator, Jake Ryerson. “I love paying $60 to listen to an album four days before it’s out, surrounded by people who hate small talk.”

Sarah Kippen, who attended last year’s Charli XCX holographic PowerPoint tour, expressed excitement: “I hope there will be a fashion-forward PowerPoint this time, maybe animated transitions set to synths.”

While most sessions will be held in major metropolises, sources confirm at least one will take place at the only Blockbuster left in existence. Tickets will be available exclusively to those who can prove they have both AirPods and a valid library card.