PC gaming enthusiasts worldwide are rejoicing after peripheral giant Corsair announced a sale on their Vanguard Pro 96 wired Hall effect keyboard—a device so advanced, it can detect a keystroke before you even decide to press it. The keyboard, now discounted to a meager $159.99 (from the original $229.99), boasts adjustable actuation for each key, an info-dense LCD, six programmable macro keys, and a wrist rest with the ethical softness of a baby alpaca.

“This keyboard doesn’t just predict my keystrokes, it’s already typed my angry forum post before my boss walks behind me,” said Chad Ryerson, a semi-professional Overwatch player and leading authority on mechanical switch speculation. “Now if only it could refund my Steam games instantly, I’d finally be unstoppable.”

According to Corsair spokesperson Linda Quixley, the Vanguard Pro 96 revolutionizes gaming and productivity, unlocking the full potential of the human hand. “We’re proud to offer the fastest experience ever: the device comes with predictive rage quit technology and can compose apology emails to your teammates automatically. It even reminds you to hydrate after every loss,” Quixley explained.

Meanwhile, rival gamers have voiced concern over the keyboard’s edge. “Ever since my buddy upgraded, I can’t even pick a character before he’s already sent ‘gg ez’ in chat,” lamented Twitch streamer @SudoLogic. “I swear it’s reading his thoughts. Or at least his browser history.”

Industry insiders warn this breakthrough is just the beginning. Sources confirm Corsair’s next flagship, the Galleon 100 SD ($349.99), will come with haptic feedback so accurate that it can sense your existential dread every time you misspell ‘definitely’.