DAVOS—Diplomatic tensions reached new heights Tuesday after President Emmanuel Macron of France accused former President Donald Trump of championing a ‘new colonial approach’ by insisting that ‘there can be no going back’ on America’s divine right to acquire Greenland.

The controversy escalated following the leak of Macron’s text exchange with Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte, in which Macron wrote, “Quelle époque! Now he wants the glaciers too?” Rutte replied with a single emoji: a penguin crying.

Despite global outcry, Trump remains undeterred. “Frankly, the French have always been jealous of America’s ability to own massive frozen land masses,” Trump told reporters at an impromptu press briefing outside a Swiss fondue restaurant. “Macron is just mad because nobody wants his dinner invitations anymore. Greenland is ours. Manifest Destiny, folks—Part Deux.”

White House Press Secretary Chip Bluster downplayed concerns, clarifying, “The President has merely advanced the historic doctrine of America’s Rightful Acquisition of Cold Places. It worked with Alaska, and Sarah Palin has already volunteered to oversee this transition.”

Macron countered by threatening 200% tariffs on American cheeseburgers, warning, “We prefer respect over bullies. Besides, France already has a claim to several chilly parking lots in Dunkirk.”

Meanwhile, the AI-generated image of Trump planting a flag on Greenland has gone viral, captioned: ‘US Territory, Est. 2026’. Sources confirmed that Denmark’s foreign minister is currently trapped in a closed-door summit with U.S. negotiators and an inexplicably large inflatable bald eagle.