ATLANTA, GA — Passengers hoping for relief at the ticket counter were dealt a crushing blow Friday, as Delta Airlines executives announced that, despite a dramatic drop in oil prices, soaring airfares will persist—partly because they’ve “just gotten used to it.”

“Let’s be real, people seem to love paying more for everything lately. Why ruin a great trend?” explained Delta CEO Ed Bastian while unveiling a chart titled ‘Maximum Squeezing’ at a shareholder brunch catered with tiny bags of pretzels. “Even if oil is free someday, tickets will still cost $600 for a basic seat and $79.99 for air at cruising altitude.”

Delta reported a record $1.4 billion profit for the quarter, which it attributed to robust demand, innovative ‘fuel surcharge surcharges,’ and a new $45 ‘Lack of Legroom Experience Fee’ on every ticket. According to Senior Pricing Strategist Angela Wicks, “Our research shows customers feel safer and more elite when they’re overcharged. Honestly, we might start charging for every exhaled breath after takeoff.”

Passengers seemed resigned to the news. “I just assume Delta’s ticket prices will outpace inflation, the S&P 500, and possibly the heat death of the universe,” said frequent flyer Brent Hollis. “I’d hitchhike to Tulsa, but my suitcase doesn’t fit in most sedans.”

Delta’s future plans include piloting a new ‘Wishful Thinking Fare’—starting at $399.99, with an option to pay another $30 to find out which city your plane will land in.