WASHINGTON—In a bold bid to reclaim political relevance, top Democratic strategists announced Monday that the party’s 2026 midterm campaign would focus exclusively on posting, retweeting, and meme deployment until physical laws—and, ideally, voters—submit.

The initiative, codenamed ‘Operation Infinite Scrolling,’ calls for Democrats to divert all campaign funds from field operations, grassroots organizing, and television ads, and instead invest solely in ‘just absolutely nuking the timeline,’ according to Party Chairwoman Darlene Brody. “We crunched the numbers,” Brody said at a press conference conducted entirely via TikTok live stream, “and found that every 10,000 ratioed tweets increases our vibe by at least 4.3%. It’s the only metric that matters.”

This strategy comes in the wake of the @KamalaHQ social media experiment, which accumulated billions of impressions but not, ultimately, a victory for Vice President Harris. “We proved that you can go viral every single hour and still lose a national election. Now, imagine if we simply posted harder,” said senior digital organizer Kayden McCormick, who has not left Discord since January.

Not everyone is convinced. “Sometimes I wonder if anyone in the Midwest actually has Wi-Fi,” mused Democratic data analyst Leila Banes. “But that’s probably just my ruralphobia talking.” Meanwhile, Republicans responded by updating their 1996 Geocities site to say ‘LOL.’

Brody reassured skeptics: “This isn’t just about likes. We’re planning a twelve-hour livestream on Threads explaining tax credit reform in the style of Taylor Swift fan edits. How can we lose?”