WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning turn of economic physics, leading Democrats accused former President Donald Trump of causing 92,000 job losses in February through the rarely-seen phenomenon of ‘pre-emptive unemployment,’ despite not holding office or, according to NASA, possessing the ability to travel through time.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer took to the Senate floor, stating, “Just the mere mention of Donald Trump’s name in February sent a chill through the labor market so powerful, economists are scrambling to invent new graphs.” Schumer also demanded an immediate, multi-trillion dollar federal study into ‘job loss anxiety syndrome,’ which he described as ‘an existential threat to brunch.’

“Some say it’s a coincidence that jobs vanished before Trump re-entered Iranian airspace, but I’m convinced the economy can sense his aura,” said House Whip Edwina Plimsoll, whose legislative theories have so far prevented exactly zero recessions. Plimsoll went on to suggest that all mirrors in government buildings be covered to prevent further Trump-related economic contractions.

Meanwhile, White House economic advisor Dr. Marty Fink released a 412-page report blaming ‘spectral Trumpism’ for lost jobs, a spike in gas prices, and an unexplained rash of cheese shortages in Wisconsin. “His economic policies are so potent, they can collapse markets years before being enacted,” Fink explained, adding that ‘quantum economics’ may be necessary to fully model the damage.

As a precaution, House Democrats announced plans to send Trump a bill for 92,000 resumes and three ergonomic keyboards. Trump’s spokesperson, meanwhile, responded by launching 10 new job boards and a subscription box for tactical hats.