WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold new approach to military funding, the US Navy has launched a GoFundMe campaign in hopes of raising the $27.4 billion it still needs to keep up with Donald Trump’s ‘War on Iran and Common Sense.’ The move comes as internal documents reveal the Navy has already pawned two aircraft carriers, auctioned off the USS Arizona Memorial, and is now eyeing bake sales to close the gap.

“We’ve tried everything: borrowed from the Coast Guard, raided the Post Office, even slashed the Navy Band’s kazoo budget,” said Acting Rear Admiral Skip ‘Skippy’ Henderson while running a lemonade stand outside the Pentagon with a sign reading, ‘Support Our Troops, 50¢/Cup.’ “But bombs don’t pay for themselves, and apparently the Federal Reserve won’t take Monopoly money. Again.”

Defense analyst Tina Drayton noted, “At this point the Navy is just shaking the couch cushions of Congress for spare change. This is what happens when you wage a war with no endgame, no plan, and no return policy on Tomahawk missiles.”

The GoFundMe has already garnered donations from three confused grandmas who thought they were supporting ‘wounded dolphins,’ and one anonymous donor identified as ‘B. Netanyahu, Jerusalem.’

When asked about the Navy’s latest budget shortfall, Trump responded, “We’re winning so much, the budget can’t keep up! We might start a telethon. I’ll host. Tremendous ratings.”

Meanwhile, Pentagon officials are reportedly in talks with Netflix for a reality spin-off: ‘America’s Next Top Conflict.’