MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Shattering expectations for luxury fitness accessories, Google announced today that all preorders of the new $99.99 Fitbit Air—an advanced screenless fitness tracker aimed at athletes, people who aspire to be athletes, and people who simply enjoy collecting small rubber objects—will include an extra band for free, ensuring that Americans everywhere can own not one but two unused, slightly different colored wristbands.

The offer arrives ahead of the May 26th launch of Fitbit Air, a device Google touts as “the most invisible thing you’ll ever forget to wear.” Unlike previous Fitbits, the Air boasts absolutely no display, but for a mere $9.99 per month, it will unlock Gemini AI features that can tell users their heart rate is elevated and their self-esteem remains low.

“We believe that today’s consumer deserves options, especially when it comes to accessorizing a tracker they’ll misplace in three weeks,” explained Fitbit product manager Casey Mummert. “That’s why we’re proud to offer either a second band, or, if you prefer, a $35 store credit you won’t remember to use.”

Amazon, Best Buy, and Google have each joined the initiative, with Best Buy offering a surprise mystery band in small black, regardless of your actual wrist size or personal dignity. Amazon spokesperson Lila DeGroote stated, “We know customers crave variety, which is why we offer three color options—none of which are fog, for reasons we are contractually unable to disclose.”

Prospective buyer and notorious gadget hoarder Trevor Klein expressed excitement, saying, “I can’t wait to leave both my bands in the drawer, right next to my unopened AR glasses. The future is now.”

Industry analysts predict that by 2025, the average American home will contain enough free fitness bands to completely immobilize several adult raccoons.