WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold display of political vigilance, Republican leaders in Congress announced Wednesday the formation of a Select Accountability Task Force to determine whether gravity, time, and other physical phenomena colluded with the Biden Administration in the recent death of a child in government custody.

The controversy erupted after former White House aide, Lila Goodman, posted a Facebook status lamenting the tragedy. The post, which received three heart reacts and a single angry face from an account named “TruthWarrior1776,” prompted immediate GOP outcry. Lawmakers allege Goodman failed to sufficiently blame the current administration and also did not mention the child’s lack of a birth certificate from a battleground state.

“This is no time for compassion; this is a time for accountability. We demand to know, did Joe Biden operate the laws of entropy himself?” said Rep. Buckley Hartz (R-KS), who announced a thirteen-hour hearing to subpoena God and several theoretical physicists.

Sen. Carla Dremont (R-TX) decried the post as “a leftist attempt to distract from the real issue: that bad things sometimes happen, especially on the other guy’s shift.” Dremont went on to introduce legislation preventing tragedies from occurring during conservative administrations, “just in case.”

Meanwhile, in a statement, ICE official Jared Frost assured reporters, “We at ICE understand the gravity of the situation, and also gravity itself, which we can confirm remains nonpartisan.”

At press time, Congress was reportedly preparing to demand President Biden issue a formal apology to the concept of mortality.