Big Daddy's Truth Factory

Madison Square Garden Plunged Into Darkness After Trump Attends NBA Finals, Cardi B Warns Of Possible Eclipse

NEW YORK — Chaos ensued at Madison Square Garden Wednesday night after former President Donald Trump attended Game 3 of the NBA Finals, triggering what pop icon Cardi B described as “an immediate atmospheric disturbance and maybe a low-key supernatural eclipse.”

Officials reported that following Trump’s entrance, the Knicks found themselves trailing by 30 points within minutes, with several players claiming they couldn’t see the basket through a sudden, inexplicable gloom.

“I have never experienced such negative vibes on the court before,” said Knicks point guard Dennis Randle, squinting through a haze of darkness. “One second I’m hitting threes, the next, it’s like someone replaced the arena lights with sadness and spray tan.”

Cardi B, who live-tweeted the event despite reportedly fleeing to the concession stand, later issued a formal statement. “I knew it! As soon as that red tie walked in, the Knicks energy just went poof. Man got the aura of a malfunctioning iPhone,” she wrote. “He’s bad luck! Y’all shoulda saged the arena.”

Knicks head coach Leo Barrett noted, “We were prepared for the Spurs’ defense but not a total solar Trump-lipse. Morale dropped, shooting percentages dropped, and I think one of our mascots started speaking in tongues.”

MSG staffers have confirmed that all future attendees will be screened for negative energy and possible government classification. The Knicks, now trailing in the series, have reportedly hired a team of celebrity mediums to cleanse the court ahead of Game 4.

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Larry Literalist

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