In a bold display of fiscal innovation, thousands of Malawi’s small business owners took to the streets this week and discovered that closing their shops is actually far more profitable than keeping them open under the government’s new tax regime.

The demonstration, which saw entire districts of Blantyre, Lilongwe, Zomba, and Mzuzu transformed into bustling outdoor complaint festivals, forced authorities to reconsider what experts now call the ‘Pay For the Privilege of Working’ tax policy. Vendors bearing hand-written placards such as “No Taxation Without Exasperation” and “Gone to Protest, Back Never” paraded peacefully, while customers quietly celebrated finally getting a break from relentless sales pitches for boiled maize and secondhand flip-flops.

“We realized we make much more by shutting the doors and sitting in the sun,” explained Francis Banda, local fruit merchant and part-time protest philosopher. “Without taxes, I keep 100% of nothing, which is a lot more than 10% of something after taxes.”

Malawian Finance Minister Chikondi Msiska attempted to reassure the angry business community by promising to “only collect taxes from shops that are open and visibly nervous.” Msiska added, “We have found that it’s surprisingly difficult to audit empty market stalls.”

Meanwhile, enterprising entrepreneur Agnes Phiri announced plans to launch a consultancy specializing in advanced shop closure techniques. “We’ve already trademarked ‘Shut Up to Stand Out’ and ‘Profit by Protesting,’” Phiri boasted. “The market for tax avoidance has never looked better.”