In a landmark display of international hospitality, President Claudia Sheinbaum announced Monday that Mexico would graciously host the Iranian national football team for the duration of the World Cup, after the United States declined to offer accommodations due to reasons described as ‘complicated and definitely not political.’ The decision, hailed by FIFA as ‘reluctantly creative,’ will see Iran’s squad based in Tijuana, a city best known for its taco stands and gentle reminders that San Diego is just a wall away.

Despite having to travel daily across the border to play group-stage matches in the US, Iranian players expressed tentative optimism. ‘We are excited to try authentic burritos, and we have been assured that any black SUVs following us are part of a local welcome committee,’ said Iranian striker Ali Reza Safar, blinking in Morse code.

US officials reiterated their inability to host, with State Department spokesperson Bob Withers insisting, ‘We simply don’t have the hotel space. All our rooms are booked for a large, entirely coincidental international surveillance conference.’

Mexican tourism chief Luisa Gálvez welcomed the arrangement, adding, ‘We’re thrilled to showcase Tijuana’s vibrant nightlife to Iran’s team, as well as the finest in artisanal border fencing.’

FIFA confirmed the arrangement, noting, ‘Nothing says global unity like forcing teams into an international game of musical chairs.’ Insiders also revealed contingency plans to house the North Korean squad on an offshore oil rig ‘just to be safe.’