RABAT—In a move hailed by Moroccan officials as the “final, immutable, and completely not up for discussion” verdict on the African Cup of Nations dispute, Morocco unilaterally declared the case closed Monday morning, immediately after applying a ceremonial ‘CASE CLOSED’ rubber stamp to the tournament files and parading the stamp around the stadium.

The decision comes despite ongoing appeals from Senegal to the Confederation of African Football (CAF) and the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS), both of whom reportedly received Morocco’s announcement via an official memo titled ‘No Takebacks’. “We reviewed our own appeal, found ourselves in total agreement with Morocco, and have happily taken our trophy back,” declared Moroccan Football Federation spokesperson Rachid Benhammer. “Any further correspondence will henceforth be redirected to our recycling bin.”

Senegal’s Football Association, however, remains unconvinced. “Apparently, the appeals process now involves a rubber chicken, two judges in fez hats, and a signed photo of Hakim Ziyech,” complained Senegalese goalkeeper Babacar Ndiaye, adding, “We’re still not clear on the rules, but apparently Morocco just makes them up as they go.”

Football analyst Fatima Dabbousi noted, “It’s a bold strategy. Morocco seems to be trialling a new FIFA initiative called Winner’s Prerogative, which says if you want the title badly enough, you can simply declare victory and hope everyone gets tired of arguing.”

At press time, Morocco was observed preparing to stamp ‘PERMANENTLY CLOSED’ on all historical records back to 1957, just to be sure.