As the holiday season approaches, Americans everywhere are reportedly bracing themselves for joy and togetherness by fervently purchasing boxes of discounted electronics that will ultimately gather dust next to last year’s discounted electronics.

Leading the charge this year is the Nex Playground, a compact, cube-shaped console described by industry analysts as “the perfect gift for anyone who wants to flail in front of their TV under the watchful eye of an AI camera.” The Nex Playground is now available for the low, holiday-spirited price of $199, which experts say is $50 less than the amount you’ll regret spending in January.

“When I saw it was shaped like a cube, I knew it would change my family’s life,” said tech deal enthusiast and father of two, Dale Persimmon. “We’ve never been so excited to download Fruit Ninja for a required $89 annual Play Pass. The kids love the sense of movement, and I love the sense of missed mortgage payments.”

Other must-have deals include Google Pixel Buds 2A, now just $99 and described by audio reviewer Janet Kelter as featuring “state-of-the-art technology that allows you to ignore family in crystal-clear comfort.” For power-hungry shoppers, the Genki Moonbase Charging Station offers the ability to charge up to seven devices simultaneously while cosplaying as a Star Wars prop at a price you can only describe as ‘marginally less horrifying.’

Retail expert Simon Travers observes, “People are looking for real value. That’s why every product this week is $50 off, which is exactly how much more expensive it will be in a month.”

As holiday shoppers rush to buy these deals before the existential dread sets in, sources confirm that the Lego Super Mario Goombas’ Playground set remains in stock for parents who want to step on tiny, adorable bricks in 2024.