LOS GATOS, CA — In a bold move to capture viewers with a keen nostalgia for nearly-forgotten movie scripts, Netflix announced Wednesday that it is close to finalizing a deal with ‘Reacher’ star Alan Ritchson to headline ‘Maelstrom,’ an action film based on a screenplay originally written in 1991, optioned in 1993, and presumably stored in a dusty office closet until now.
Industry experts say the $120 million project marks a strategic escalation in the streaming arms race. “We’ve essentially run out of new scripts, so we’re mining old filing cabinets and the backs of people’s garages,” said Netflix content strategist Mindy Rottweiler. “Next, we look forward to adapting some loose Post-It notes we found at a Pizza Hut in Burbank.”
‘Maelstrom,’ described as “Die Hard on an oil rig, but with less plausible science,” will be directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, who insiders say was chosen for his ability to look interested during hour-long phone pitches about projects nobody remembers. “The script’s 14 pages about fax machines may be dated,” admitted producer Jeff Robinov, “but with the right lens flare, audiences probably won’t notice.”
Ritchson, reportedly preparing by practicing his most 1990s grimaces, said, “I’m proud to bring the action hero mullet into the 2020s. I’ve already put my iPhone in a fanny pack for method acting.”
At press time, Netflix confirmed ‘Maelstrom’ will be released the same week as ‘Blockbuster: The Movie,’ a $200 million thriller about a man renting VHS tapes, also written in 1993.

