BRISBANE — Teachers and children attending the Queensland Museum’s Future Makers learning program were left enthralled and mildly confused this week after students discovered that global warming is largely caused by ‘mysterious hot air’ and ‘possibly too many campfires,’ according to education materials sponsored by Shell’s Queensland Gas Company.

The multimillion-dollar partnership, in place since 2015, invites Shell scientists to deliver professional development to teachers, where they explore climate change while strongly emphasizing the positive contributions of natural gas, the building of community soccer fields, and the importance of children never asking pointed questions.

“According to the latest Shell-sponsored worksheet, climate change is the result of unidentified clouds of warm vapor, which could plausibly be blamed on volcanoes, cows, or perhaps an overly enthusiastic global population breathing from time to time,” explained Dr. Tim Glow, Head of Curriculum Diversion at Queensland Museum. “There’s certainly no need to mention fossil fuels, unless, of course, we’re talking about their vital role in fueling educational partnerships.”

Shell’s Chief Learning Enhancement Officer, Natalie Drillbit, praised the program’s balanced approach. “We’re proud to help the next generation understand that climate change is a complex puzzle, likely caused by things like the sun, space lasers, and maybe, just maybe, penguin farts. Wouldn’t want to jump to conclusions.”

Year 9 student Max Abernathy said he enjoyed the session: “I learned that burning gas has no effect on climate, but bad vibes can cause catastrophic weather events. I feel really informed.”

A Shell representative confirmed plans for a new interactive exhibit: ‘Greenhouse Gases—What Are They, and Could They Be Your Socks?’