PARIS—Promising a bold new era of discipline, Rachida Dati, France’s culture minister and self-described ‘sheriff in Chanel,’ unveiled her vision for the capital: a city where every croissant comes with a sidearm and the Left Bank finally knows the true meaning of law and order.

‘I will not rest until Paris is safer than a tax shelter in Monaco,’ Dati proclaimed at a press conference held inside a bulletproof patisserie. Her flagship campaign policy, ‘Operation Croissant Shield,’ proposes arming municipal police, street mimes, and, in a pilot program, competitive cheese mongers. ‘Enough of the anarchy. The only thing getting cut in my Paris will be cheese,’ she declared.

Critics have raised concerns about Dati’s proposals. Socialist opponent Madeleine Fromage warned, ‘If Madame Dati gets her way, Paris will resemble a François Truffaut film directed by Quentin Tarantino.’ Meanwhile, local artist Jean-Paul Vague lamented, ‘I fear for the soul of Montmartre if the police start shooing painters off the sidewalks with tear gas.’

Some Parisians remain unfazed. ‘I have always wanted to defend my baguette with honor,’ said Claude Lefèvre, 58, a baker who has already started practicing tactical rolls behind his bread counter. ‘Finally, someone understands our daily struggles.’

Dati’s campaign has been met with excitement among right-wing voters and at least one sword-wielding busker, who was quoted as saying, ‘Anything to keep the accordionists in line.’