BATON ROUGE, LA — In what experts are calling ‘the least surprising development in modern political history,’ Republican leaders announced Monday that future GOP candidates will now be chosen through a secretive ritual in which Donald Trump points at random party members, thereby granting them instant political power, magic authority, and a lifetime supply of red hats.

Following the Louisiana Senate race, where Trump-endorsed candidate Rick ‘The Finger’ Barron swept to victory, party insiders admitted this system is ‘basically how it works now anyway.’ Louisiana Republican Chairwoman Sally ‘The Anointer’ McConnell explained, “We used to spend months vetting candidates, analyzing policy, and debating in smoky back rooms. Now we just see who can stand still the longest while Trump waves his finger. Democracy is exhausting.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell added, “It’s undeniably efficient. I haven’t had to read a policy memo since 2016. My desk is just covered in glossy photos of Trump making various hand gestures.”

Some in the party establishment expressed concern, such as former candidate Doug ‘The Disregarded’ Branson, who shouted from a very distant podium, “I have actual ideas for Louisiana!” before being tackled by enthusiastic Barron supporters chanting “Trump picks, God fixes!”

The Trump campaign welcomed the news, with spokesperson Candace Rapture noting, “There is simply no time for primaries. The only ballot that matters is the one in Trump’s mind.”

Analysts predict the next Louisiana Senate race will involve a live televised event in which Trump points at a crowd of hopefuls while ‘Hail to the Chief’ blares and confetti cannons erupt.