DORAL, FL—In a harrowing incident that shook the bedrock of American security, Secret Service agent Randall Fitzsworthy demanded immediate decontamination after a man reportedly brushed past him at Trump National Doral Golf Club Tuesday afternoon.

According to sources, local resident Dennis Turlington, 47, made what authorities are calling ‘unprecedented fingertip proximity’ with Fitzsworthy while searching for the pro shop bathroom. Witnesses say the physical contact lasted approximately 0.8 seconds. ‘I’ve handled presidential detail in hostile territories, but nothing could prepare me for the tactile horror of feeling another man’s sleeve graze mine,’ Fitzsworthy solemnly recounted, still wrapped in an emergency thermal blanket.

Although former President Trump was not present during the incident, the club immediately entered DEFCON 2. Security staff were reportedly seen febrilely scrubbing doorknobs and lighting sage bundles to banish residual civilian germs. Club manager Linda Harwood confirmed the situation was under control: ‘We evacuated the front nine and issued a shelter-in-place order for members ordering shrimp cocktails at the clubhouse.’

Federal authorities have charged Turlington with Felonious Brushing, Assault with Intent to Inadvertently Jostle, and Disrupting the National Nap. Speaking from his holding cell, Turlington claimed, ‘I just needed to pee. Next time, I’ll just go behind the sand trap like everyone else.’

At press time, the Secret Service announced the deployment of a specialized no-contact task force trained in advanced avoidance maneuvers, including the highly classified ‘sideways crab walk.’