WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a rare show of unity, American politicians from both sides of the aisle gathered Tuesday morning to pay tribute to the late Senator Lindsey Graham, aged 71, whose death sent shockwaves through the nation and caused the U.S. Senate to briefly function as designed.

“Lindsey always said he’d haunt Congress after he died, but we thought he was joking,” stated Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, looking over his shoulder nervously. “We’ve lowered the flags to quarter-mast, just in case he decides to come back and defend Brett Kavanaugh’s honor.”

Former President Donald Trump took to Truth Social to remember Graham’s legacy, posting, “He was a tremendous Senator. He worked very hard, some might say too hard. Nobody was better at switching sides, not even Olympic gold medalists in gymnastics!” The president then announced that Graham’s chair in the Senate will be filled by a rotating cast of hawkish sock puppets until a special election is held.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy released a statement as well. “I am deeply saddened by Lindsey Graham’s death, mostly because I have to learn a whole new set of American senators’ names, which is exhausting.”

Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh added, “We owe Lindsey everything. Who else could get yelled at on live TV and still control the room? He’ll be missed—mostly by confirmation hearings, and maybe by John McCain’s ghost.”