MONTGOMERY, AL—In a shocking twist that has stunned both the hate-hating and hate-loving communities, federal investigators revealed Tuesday that the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) has allegedly been quietly siphoning millions to far-right groups through discreet shell accounts at First Integrity Bank. The move is widely believed to be part of SPLC’s new ‘Infiltrate With Generosity’ campaign, designed to combat hate by accidentally making it extremely profitable.

According to the case, SPLC’s finance chief, Mallory Hedd, and head of intelligence, Brock Purity, masterminded a plan to wire cash directly to white supremacist influencers with signatures reading, ‘Keep up the inflammatory work!’ All funds were reportedly laundered under the consulting firm ‘Totally Not Us, LLC.’

“We always thought the best way to dismantle hate was by raising awareness, not by directly funding their tiki torch budget,” said disgruntled former SPLC intern, Jessica Reason. “But apparently, nothing stops extremism like a fat check with a rainbow sticker on the memo line.”

Far-right podcaster Duke Forthright, recipient of a mysteriously generous money order, was equally confused: “I figured the SPLC was my mortal enemy, but now they’re my official corporate sponsor. I guess we’re all fighting for the same thing—six-figure grants.”

SPLC Board Chair Lenora Virtue defended the organization’s tactics, stating, “By subsidizing our adversaries, we gain unprecedented insight into their operations, and also, their vacation photo albums on Instagram. Plus, our donors love a twist ending.”

The SPLC has since announced plans to update its slogan to ‘Fighting Hate With High-Yield Savings.’