BURBANK, CA—In a move analysts are calling “breathtakingly courageous,” Disney Channel unveiled the teaser for ‘Camp Rock 3: Rock Harder,’ a reboot/sequel/midlife career intervention set to air August 13. The film reunites the Jonas Brothers—now each in their early forties—with Demi Lovato, who will serve as executive producers, senior camp counselors, and, as the new trailer reveals, part-time cafeteria monitors.

According to Disney spokesperson Riley Trent, the new installment will ‘introduce a cast of fresh-faced campers, desperate for stardom and mildly interested in the power of acoustic guitar.’ Returning characters Mitchie Torres (Lovato) and Shane Gray (Joe Jonas) have been promoted to ‘Camp Rock deans,’ overseeing a rigorous program of synchronized marshmallow roasting and daily meditation on what the music industry looked like before TikTok.

‘We really wanted to capture the timeless energy of the original, but with more lower back pain,’ explained Nick Jonas, struggling to sit cross-legged during a press event. ‘This film will feature more mature themes—like making sure everyone applies sunscreen and knowing when to ask for help with Spotify playlists.’

Disney has confirmed that in a bold twist, the film’s musical numbers will heavily feature mandolin, harmonica, and ‘a little bit of trumpet,’ courtesy of a plotline involving a mysterious, possibly haunted, instrument shed. ‘Our research shows that kids today crave wholesome mandolin solos,’ reported producer Shelley Hargrove. ‘We’re pretty sure this is what Gen Alpha wants.’

Fans can expect at least five original songs, a surprise cameo from the ghost of Hannah Montana, and a closing number described by one unnamed source as ‘like High School Musical, but with more hip replacements.’