WASHINGTON—In a rare moment of candor, outgoing Senator Bill Cassidy (R-LA) accused former President Donald Trump of treating Congress as “merely an appendage,” only to be reminded by the ex-president that, frankly, “that’s still better than being the appendix.”

The brutal exchange reportedly occurred at a Capitol Hill lunch, where Cassidy critiqued Trump for failing to brief Congress on his handling of the Iran war, as if such constitutional formalities still matter. Witnesses claim Trump responded by tossing a copy of the War Powers Resolution in the trash while muttering, “Congress? I thought that was just there for decorative purposes.”

“I figured at least we were the spine or the brainstem,” lamented Senator Susan Cornflower (R-ME), her hands trembling as she clutched a pocket Constitution. “But apparently, we’re just somewhere near the spleen. And if we rupture, nobody cares until it’s too late.”

Press Secretary Chip Wainscot later clarified Trump’s stance: “The president values Congress in the same way he values a nice pair of cufflinks—he doesn’t really need them, but they complete the look.”

As more senators expressed alarm, House member Jerry Bilgewater (D-NY) attempted to comfort colleagues: “On the bright side, at least he hasn’t compared us to toenails. Yet.”

Following these developments, Trump’s campaign issued a statement promising to “keep Congress exactly where it belongs: somewhere vaguely attached but definitely out of the way.”