PALM BEACH, FL—In what experts are calling “a bold leap forward for post-defendant etiquette,” former President Donald Trump used his Mar-a-Lago ballroom to deliver a wide-ranging tirade Tuesday night, launching attacks not only at the presiding judge in his case but also the judge’s family, their elementary school librarian, and, for reasons still unclear, a nearby weatherman.

Trump, recently arraigned on 34 felony charges, chose to focus his remarks on what he described as “a conspiracy of epic proportions” among anyone with a direct or indirect connection to his legal proceedings. “Judge Merchan’s family owns a goldfish named Bubbles, and everyone’s ignoring the role that little fish may have played in this witch hunt,” Trump explained, to thunderous applause from assembled donors and Ron DeSantis lookalikes.

When pressed for clarification, Trump advisor Millie Cravath told reporters, “The President just believes you can’t be too careful—everyone’s a suspect. Frankly, if the judge’s great-aunt’s yoga instructor was in the room, she’d be on the list too.”

According to CNN legal analyst Tony Farnsworth, Trump’s strategy isn’t unprecedented. “It’s classic pre-trial rhetoric: implicate the judge’s barber, local postal workers, and, if possible, meteorologists, in order to ensure a fair trial in the court of public opinion,” observed Farnsworth.

Sources say Trump plans to expand his next speech to include accusations against the inventor of gavels, the person who stocks the courthouse vending machines, and possibly “the guy who invented handcuffs.”