In a stirring tribute to the nation’s heroes, Americans across the country observed Memorial Day weekend by storming local retailers in pursuit of discounted wireless earbuds, OLED TVs, and solar-powered string lights—boldly reaffirming the values so many fought to protect: freedom, democracy, and 30% off select Samsung products.

“We wouldn’t have been able to host this inflatable hot tub party if not for our veterans,” said Macy’s shopper Craig Ledbetter, speed-walking toward the last 13-inch MacBook Air (M5) at $899.99. “Folding camp chairs for only $67? My grandpa stormed Normandy so I could sit in comfort.”

Retailers leaned into the patriotic fervor, with Best Buy’s new CEO, Starla Dinwiddie, declaring, “Nothing says ‘I remember the fallen’ like upgrading to an LG B5 OLED TV for nearly half off. Our brave service members gave everything so you could watch ‘Furiosa’ in Dolby Vision.”

Some shoppers struggled to articulate the holiday’s true meaning. “I scan deals on portable power stations every Memorial Day out of respect for the troops. It’s a tradition,” said ultra-patriotic couponer Linda Chubb, who later left Target carrying a discounted Dyson PencilWash. “If George Washington were alive, I bet he’d snag the $249 Bose QuietComfort Ultra Earbuds, too.”

As backyard grills ignite and 4K streamers buffer across this grateful land, Americans once again prove that true remembrance is best expressed with limited-time promo codes.