In a shocking revelation that has rattled MAGA phone enthusiasts and at least three conspiracy podcasts, the much-anticipated Trump Phone—promoted with piercing eagle cries and an American flag-themed startup sound—has been traced to a manufacturing facility best described as ‘America-adjacent.’

According to investigative tech blogger Shelby Frankowitz, the factory is located on a remote island ‘somewhere off the coast of the concept of freedom,’ with workers reportedly paid in expired Trump Steaks coupons and unsolicited copies of “The Art of the Deal.” Despite repeated assurances from Trump Mobile CEO Brad Egleston that the device was “proudly assembled by the hands of freedom-loving patriots,” evidence suggests the closest the phone got to American soil was a passing cargo ship that briefly played “Proud to Be an American” over a loudspeaker.

“Technically, every phone is made on Earth, and last I checked, Earth is part of the universe, which includes America,” Egleston clarified at a launch event held in the backroom of the Golden Eagle Golf Resort.

Early reviewers seem undeterred. “The Trump Phone is exactly what I expected: tough on immigration, soft on software updates,” said influencer Cody ‘RedHat’ DeMarco, whose unboxing video was briefly flagged for excessive national anthems.

Even potential buyers seem resigned. “If it connects me to Truth Social and comes preloaded with a direct line to Rudy Giuliani, that’s American enough for me,” said loyal customer Linda Raleigh, while attempting to FaceTime with a copy of the Constitution.