WASHINGTON—In a bold legal statement Friday, Department of Justice attorney Alyssa Fank argued before the DC Circuit Court that no mere judicial decision could possibly halt President Trump’s ambitious $400 million White House ballroom—unless, she specified, the entire United States Congress forms a conga line and collectively shouts, “Stop the music!”

“The Founders clearly intended only the Legislative Branch, in full festive motion, to limit executive ballroom construction,” Fank told the panel of visibly confused judges. “A federal court cannot simply rain on the president’s indoor parade.”

The controversial project, which will replace the East Wing with a 23,000-square-foot ‘Trump Grand Slam Ballroom & Underground Snackatorium,’ has drawn fire from DC historical societies and most of the president’s own Secret Service detail, who are worried about the fire hazard of the planned indoor fireworks display.

“Tradition means something in this city,” sighed Lyle Peabody, president of the Washington Heritage Carriage Association. “We believe the only ballroom appropriate for the White House is at least three decades out of style and built exclusively for polka.”

A Trump spokesperson, Amberlynn D’Luxe, dismissed preservationist concerns. “If King George could see this, he’d be jealous,” she explained. “We’re keeping the original White House stairwell—just relocating it to Mar-a-Lago for safety.”

Congressional response has been muted, with most members quietly Googling ‘how to conga.’