In a bold move to address mounting outrage over his plan to import 300,000 metric tons of foreign beef, former President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that American cattle ranchers will soon be permitted to process their own cows at home, using what he described as ‘DIY Beef Freedom Kits.’

‘No more red tape between you and your ribeye,’ Trump declared at a rally in Amarillo, Texas, standing next to a life-sized cardboard cutout of a cow labeled ‘Mr. America.’ ‘With my Beef Freedom Kits, every rancher will be able to grind, slice, and tenderize their own product—no government inspectors, no French beef sneaking in.’

The kits, which White House staffers say may include an apron, a YouTube link, and a large set of knives, have allegedly been developed in partnership with MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell. Lindell praised the initiative, stating, ‘No American should have to eat foreign beef ever again. Unless they want to, in which case, that’s also fine.’

While some ranchers welcomed the new policy, others expressed concern. ‘I guess it’s better than having to buy a plane ticket to Argentina for a cheeseburger,’ said Maverick Boone, president of the Texas Free Range Society. ‘Still, it’d be nice to get a manual or something.’

Critics accuse Trump of endangering food safety, but Agriculture Secretary Linda Beefman dismissed these fears, reassuring Americans, ‘As long as you wash your hands, it should probably be fine.’