In a move legal experts are calling ‘classic Trumpian generosity,’ former President Donald Trump petitioned a federal court this week to allow him to pay his $5.8 million judgment to E. Jean Carroll in convenient, interest-free installments of one dollar every ten years—a proposal summarily denied in a single, punctuation-free sentence by Judge Lewis Kaplan.

Trump’s legal team, led by attorney Alina Habba, argued that ‘coming up with an entire $5.8 million at once is not realistic for a small business owner like Mr. Trump.’ In court filings, they suggested alternative payment options including Trump Rewards Points, expired Trump Steaks gift cards, and one slightly used golf cart from Mar-a-Lago.

‘Frankly, we thought the judge would appreciate the dollar-a-decade solution. That’s a lot faster than most of Mr. Trump’s contractors ever see,’ said Trump spokesperson Sebastian Gorka, standing outside the courthouse, waving a check labeled “VOID.”

Sources say Trump also briefly offered to autograph the court order as a ‘collectible for Ms. Carroll,’ estimating its value in ‘the six-figure range on eBay.’

Law professors are divided on whether this constitutes a legitimate legal strategy or ‘performance art.’ ‘It’s not unprecedented for someone to try to pay damages in Monopoly money, but he’s the first to offer hotel towels,’ noted Yale legal scholar Moira Kensington.

As Judge Kaplan’s ruling is not expected to be framed and hung in Trump Tower any time soon, Carroll’s attorneys have confirmed they will, regrettably, be accepting actual U.S. currency.