In a historic move likely to reshape U.S. foreign policy, the Department of Defense announced Tuesday that it will now require warring naval vessels to recite ‘Mother May I’ before firing upon suspected drug boats, following the first-ever federal lawsuit over maritime strikes filed by families of killed men in Massachusetts.

The lawsuit, stemming from the Trump-era initiative “Operation Seaworthy Justice Or Something,” alleges that American forces fatally misunderstood both international law and the universal no-tag-back rule when they reportedly targeted boats off the coast of Venezuela. Plaintiffs claim the strikes were conducted without so much as a friendly warning shot, a court order, or even a polite knock.

“Our loved ones were denied every basic human right, including the right to yell ‘Not it’ and the right to remain afloat,” said lead plaintiff Margarita Velásquez, who now keeps a small inflatable raft in her living room as a memorial. “If there’s one thing the U.S. military should learn, it’s that respect starts with asking permission.”

Pentagon spokesperson Col. Bryce Plank defended the previous approach. “We followed strict protocol, including consulting a Magic 8 Ball before every engagement. Unfortunately, it mostly said ‘Reply hazy, try again.'”

Legal scholars say the case could set a new precedent for how nations pursue smuggling suspects at sea. “This may be the moment when naval combat evolves from cat-and-mouse to a polite round of Simon Says,” said maritime law expert Dr. Shelby Drizzle.

As the suit proceeds, the Coast Guard has reportedly stockpiled apology cards, white flags, and a megaphone that only plays the sound of someone gently clearing their throat.