AL-QARYA, WEST BANK — In a feat recognized by the International Perseverance Consortium, the Masallam family has officially broken the world record for most consecutive generations asked, ‘Have you tried just moving?’ while refusing to leave their ancestral land in the occupied West Bank.

The previous record was held by a family of Galapagos tortoises. But the Masallams leapt ahead after patriarch Omar Masallam, 67, fielded his 14,002nd suggestion that the solution to land disputes was simply better real estate options. “I appreciate the advice,” said Omar, eyeing his 1,200-year-old olive tree, “but the nearest available apartment is in Reykjavik, and my goat doesn’t speak Icelandic.”

Local official Dawoud Farhat issued a statement congratulating the family: “The Masallams are a shining example of what one can achieve with unwavering stubbornness and a total lack of reliable broadband internet.” He added, “Their refusal to budge is truly inspirational, even if it forces the rest of us to keep driving around their stubbornly placed farm.”

A neighboring settler, Isaac Silverman, suggested a compromise: “If they promise not to plant any more tomatoes, I’ll give them one of my spare gravels. That’s a fair trade in this economy.”

Despite repeated offers ranging from relocation packages to coupons for 10% off at Ikea, the Masallam family remains steadfast, citing their unbreakable bond, ancient olive groves, and complete inability to assemble Swedish furniture.